Confession. I am a fan of horror/comedy.
In the 80’s, a lot of films encompassed a form of humor that you couldn’t find in any other genre. Cheesy characters, a lot of clumsy sex, over the top screaming and of course gory and messy deaths.
But, once in a while there comes a movie so damn good that these elements just seem to fit like a tibia and fibula.
Blood Diner is one of the most interesting horror movies I have ever seen. Every scene is pretty much horrible, but it is a good type of horrible. Does that make any sense? The flick gives nods to Herschell Gordon Lewis’s Blood Feast and is written by Michael Sonye and Jackie Kong directed the film.
The beginning of the film starts off with a disclaimer that warns of human butchery. We all know that this is when the film is gonna get real good. So, I grabbed some chicken wings and dug right in. Boy, was I not disappointed.
The movie surrounds two brothers, Michael and George who resurrect their serial killer uncle Anwar from the grave. Anwar is able to connect to them from beyond the ether world via a mason jar that is harboring his brain and his eyes. He convinces the two boys to conjure the Ancient Lumerian goddess Sheetar.
However, this small feat requires some killing. There is only a certain type of woman that will fit the criteria for this Egyptian goddess. Immoral women to be exact, with each body part utilized to create Sheetar. As Anwar barks orders from the mason jar, the boys, very humorously I might add, go on a killing spree that they name “blood buffet” as Sheetar is to eat a virgin upon her creation. Come on! A goddess created from parts of slutty women who eventually has to eat a pure one?
Ironically enough, the boys have a vegetarian restaurant that becomes insanely popular. Everybody loves it but cant quite pin what that extra flavor is…
Because of the killings, two detectives are also on the hunt to track down the individuals responsible for all the carnage occurring around town. Also, Stan another restaurant owner, is determined to find out why the brothers have such a successful business and goes on the hunt to find out their secret so he can steal it for himself.
What ensues in Blood Diner is a a fistful of giggles, gory and wacky killings, terrible dialogue, and the attempt to create this almighty goddess. I have to admit I enjoyed every minute of it!
If you want to check out this flick yourself, it’s streaming on Youtube. As a fellow horror fan, I will not promise any quality horror work but I can promise some good old 80’s fun.
Some of my favorite Quotes:
You two get your thumbs out of your ass’s!
You got that right homo.
Don’t do it Stan. Don’t do it Stan. NO! Don’t do it STAN! I know it’s not that funny, but it’s come from this guy. I haven’t figured him out just yet….
You are a dead beat Ass, Stan.
We need two stomachs from a couple of tramps.
I’ll see that you grill in Hell!
Some of my favorite scenes:
A couple go to a cave to get it on, yes a cave, I am not sure what else to call it. They are attacked by George during their love making session in the most humorous way possible; the guy is tossed away and hits his head on the cave, passing out. And the girl attempts to get away. Turns out this girl knows karate and challenges George into a duel.
This girl does all of this armed only with a pair earrings, pearl necklace and slays that fight. Unfortunately, she is impaled with a piece of the cave. What I found the most appealing is the old retro kung fu sound effects. Who is this genius that came up with that?
Interestingly enough, there is also a wrestling match between George and Jimmy Hitler. When Michal’s date gets disgusted after watching the fight he punches her in the face and knocks her out.
Stan’s arms gets chopped off and he manages to drive away with no indication of pain whatsoever. He crashes the car because his windshield is soaked with the blood spurting out of his stumps.