GarbagePailKidsMoviecover- Terror Time

What seven year old PK thought the trailer should have looked like….

DISCLAIMER! I know that Garbage Pail Kids is not a horror flick. However, this movie frightened the crap out of me when I was younger. How, you say? Well, um, look at THEM.

I think I have a doll fetish of some sort, as of late, that is all I have been talking about. Perhaps, the doll market horror needs to come out with a fresh perspective?

I’ll keep my eye out for that…

As like the most of you, I collected the Garbage Pail Kids cards, they were so awesome! I absolutely loved the cartoonish and mostly innocent like characters that portrayed kids in very unique and awkard situations.

PicMonkey Collage - GP
 Some of my Personal Fave’s

Garbage Pail Kids started off as trading cards with the ever so popular Topps Company. The motive behind this creation was to mock Cabbage Patch Dolls which were immensely popular in the 80’s. Also, what child doesn’t love a “toy” that is banned across numerous schools. Hell, if something is considered banned, you sure as shit better believe that I will be the first one looking for said item.

Here is my Cabbage Patch Doll! Holds a special place in my little heart.

Xavier Roberts
I hope she doesn’t start moving soon..

What was even more amazing is that the cards were actually stickers. So, pretty much, these things were everywhere. On our binders, car bumpers, lockers, trapper keepers…

In 1987, a live-action film based on the card characters was released. My goodness, what a movie that was.

Garbage Pail Kids has been considered one of the worst movies EVER made. 

So, why am I writing about this filthy, horrid and downright gross film?

Because, it would have made an awesome horror film. 

Think about it, the elements are all there. Strangely believable storyline (creatures in the night). Frightening characters. Nightmares of dolls that move, sew and apparently are fashionasitas in their own sense. Not to mention that the actors playing these roles were all actually midgets.

There has been plenty of movies that has catered and failed to the “living doll” movement.  And, many of them have created a cult following. Am I being biased here?

The plot of the movie centers around a young boy by the name of Dodger. Interesting name, because he just can’t dodge the bullies. Dodger works at an antique shop and in the beginning of the movie we see a garbage can which is some sort of space vessel, landing next to the antique shop. In a freak accident, the garbage pail is tipped over and releases the Garbage Pail Kids who save Dodger from his bullies.

The antique owner introduces each “Kid” and I am using that word very loosely here, to Dodger and they all become somewhat of friends. We meet: Messy Tessie, Windy Winston, Vomit Valerie, Foul Phil, Nat Nerd, Ali Gator, and Greaser Greg. 

Garbage Pail Kids Movie Snot
 Oh, dear.

I cannot even begin to describe these characters without giving them the proper credit that is deserved to the costume designers. Speaking of costume designers, Dodger has a crush on one of his bully’s girlfriends who happens to be doing a fashion show. Well, as it turns out the Garbage Pail Kids are also excellent at the sewing machine and fashion design.

The characters themselves hold a special, hellish place in my heart. To this day, I still can’t get the images of these grotesque creatures out of my mind. Sure, the plot of the movie and the humans were kinda lame, but it truly is the Kids that brought this movie to life.

My version of a flick would involve something along the lines of these GPK’s haunting a certain child that has been bad and no one believes that child because, seriously, who could make these creatures up?

Over exaggerating the characters in the movie with merely just words would not do any type of justice, so check out the trailer below.

Official Trailer