The Funhouse Massacre:
By Candice Berryman
What are the three basic rules of a horror movie? 1. Don’t drink. 2. Don’t do drugs. 3. Don’t have sex. These three cardinal sins were broken gloriously, and the consequences realized in a film that fans have been salivating for in The Funhouse Massacre. Ben Begley’s storyline, along with Renee Dorian, may seem a bit cliché; but add that to Andy Palmer’s direction and it leaves the audience with the recipe for a true cult classic! The movie opens in true horror fashion on Halloween night, with non-other than icon Robert Englund as the warden of a state facility for the criminally insane. If this is not enough to peak your interest you should stop reading now. Seriously, go back to your knitting and kittens. Back to the focus of this article, the warden entertains a fine young journalist (Candice De Visser) in giving her a tour of the facility; allowing her to see every depraved soul housed there. She appears to be a bit too interested in the inmates if you ask me. Cut to somewhere across town where the local Macon County Funhouse is ‘the’ happening joint! The town locals thought it would be a fun gag to recreate rooms in their haunted attraction based on those locked in the asylum. Here you will find scenes filled with the most gruesome sights imaginable. The kitchen based on the ‘Animal’, played by E.E. Bell, where your order may be served a bit more on the rare side than you care for. The taxidermist room where Clint Howard portrays the proprietor…and the rodents and deer are not the only ones in jeopardy. Mars Crain fills the roll of Rocco the clown, whom if you ever met in a dark alley, you would shit yourself! Sebastian Siegel is Dr. Suave, the dentist; and who is not terrified of the dentist in a regular setting? The classroom filled with students whose eyes and mouths are sown shut, with Dollface (Candice De Visser) skipping around the room. Finally, the Jim Jones like character, Mental Manny (Jere Burns) that has the power to mind fuck everyone into thinking it is all a part of the fun! The cast of clueless teenagers and haunt goers cannot go without mention, they are all fabulous is their roles! The addition of the hard ass female sheriff played by Scottie Thompson was an excellent choice in casting. She gives an amazing performance in this film; along with the brilliant line, “I hate Halloween”. The fact that Ben Begley himself portrays the “Dewey” like deputy in this movie makes me appreciate it that much more. This movie is a work of art; it is something that the genre has needed after so many failed attempts at remaking the greats. This movie is chocked full of the perfect amount of classic slasher genius mixed with a comedic flair untouched in quite some time. To some, the premise may seem like a repeat to the start of so many other horror films. To those critics I challenge them to watch this film, within fifteen minutes even the harshest of those will fall in love with this movie. In summation, I feel that all tried and true horror fans are going to love this movie. If you are anything like me, you will recognize the greatness that came from a small budget and a superb script! This is a film that you will watch over and over again…take a note from Mental Manny, it is all part of the fun! I look forward to the sequel!