Another week, another absurd and wonderfully question-filled episode of “American Horror Story.”
It seems as though ‘Croatoan’ is the magic word this season as it’s being thrown around willy-nilly like singles at a Vegas strip club and is proving time and again to be one of the few lines of defense our hapless protagonists have against the wily spirits that plague the grounds of their new home.
Exactly why – we’re not too sure yet. We do know that it has something to do with the parting words of the surviving members of the Lost Colony of Roanoke and blood magic or something. Maybe.
When we left Shelby and Matt last week, a pact of sorts was made between the happy couple and The Butcher; a pact that was promptly broken at the beginning of the episode because of course it was. Despite Tomasyn White being just the type of spirit one would do everything possible to avoid infuriating, Shelby and Matt just can’t seem to keep on her good side.
She’s an angry ghost with a meat cleaver; you’d think this would be a priority.
Due to this, our protagonists find themselves at the forefront of an onslaught of supernatural insanity that continues, as is par for the course, to completely threaten their well-being.
**Mild spoilers for “American Horror Story: My Roanoke Nightmare” Episode 4 Below**
As the episode begins, Matt and Shelby are still doing their best to recover from the sheer insanity that plagued their lives during Episode 3. From psychic/medium Cricket’s extortion attempts to whatever the hell was going on with Matt and Wood Nymph Lady Gaga at the tail end of the episode things ended with a “bang” – get it? Bang? Because Matt and Lady Gaga were – never mind.
The episode opens with Shelby, understandably, demanding to know just what in the hell was going on between Matt and the mud-covered wood nymph who we’ll refer from here on out as “Filthy Lady Gaga.” Matt insists that he has absolutely no memory of the incident (or of any woman in the woods at all) and pleads with Shelby to believe him.
Due to the visceral reaction Matt has to the news of his actions, Shelby forgives him, believing he really has no recognition of the event and they attempt to process the mounting chaos that seems to be part of their everyday lives now.
Looking to unwind, Shelby takes a shower wherein she’s promptly assaulted by Piggy Man (sound familiar?) but is saved by Matt and then Elias who appears out of nowhere and saves them both with a powerful utterance of the newfound magic word, “CROATOAN!”
After allowing the couple to recuperate from the unwanted shower visitor, Elias breaks down the meaning of “Croatoan.” He explains that it’s an ancient word of dark power and “blood magic” and that, due to the spirits that have come out to play, are in grave danger. However, lucky for them, he is more than equipped to handle the various spectres that plague their home.
Oh – he also informed the Millers that The Butcher didn’t have their niece. The elusive Priscilla did.
They head into the woods and almost immediately spot Filthy Lady Gaga which causes Shelby to go into a manic frenzy because, well, – homegirl was jealous. She chases her through the forest and comes face to face with a whole pack of spookies: Pig Man, Priscilla (with Flora), the two nurses, and others.
Elias goes full exorcist and starts demanding they release Lee’s daughter.
He promptly gets shot full of arrows.
The Millers run back to the house and are greeted by Cricket who knew they’d be in need of his assistance and takes to the woods to go full spiritual Rambo on some wily ghosts.
As usual, we won’t spoil the ending of the episode here. The insanity continues to ramp into quite the compelling conclusion, which will surely affect the episode next week.
“American Horror Story” airs Wednesday evenings a 10pm/9 central on FX.
We’ll be back next week with another relatively spoiler free recap of “American Horror Story: My Roanoke Nightmare.”
Follow and insult Ian Donegan on Twitter @ianjdonegan. You know you want to.